hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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