Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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