i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
