What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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