Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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