the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
