Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
