So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
organizing the empties. That sober.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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