hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
