He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
