There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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