well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
