I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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