Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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