Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab