Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
