My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
