I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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