Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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