he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Too much gin, very little bucket
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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