Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.