I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space