i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off