i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How external is "for external use only"?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying