I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating