you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.