Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Shame - the story of my life.
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