well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
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you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice