did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.