I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.