Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again