How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
