I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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