like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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