So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
