Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
