I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media