how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.