Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything