Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
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you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.