what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
