I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
