How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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