Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
