No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
