Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
