This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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