I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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