i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
