Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.