this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that