I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
