Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Randomize
