Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
