I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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