and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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