The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dick very happy bro
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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