he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
