Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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