i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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