She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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