Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
